First day in America, and it's not easy.

Being in a plane for 24 hours and wanting to get out, to my dismay, the plane landed in Washington DC and not NY.

Being alone and not knowing what to do for the first hour was scary. Luckily, I'm safe and sound now and plans have been mapped out.

But there's one thing that's wrong. I miss my family and boyfriend so much. It pains me when I think of them because tears keep streaming down. I cannot help it.

Please let me see someone familiar, I am really not used to this.

And dear God, please protect me, as You have always been.

The last three days spent with dad and mom was just awesome. I know I will definitely miss them so much and the love felt when I was with them was just.. comforting.

No politics, no stress on exchange, no work stress. Just us happy family.

Missing kenneth though :( Hope he would be alright for his exams.

Dear God

I don't know what to say or what to feel. I'm honestly scared. So many times I had that hope in me that a miracle would happen. That one day I'll get it, in Your way.

But why does it seem to get harder and harder each time? How come it's bad news all over again? How come You haven't sent anything reassuring yet?

I'm scared. I'm sad. I am truly down now. I daren't hope anymore. I know You have your plans for me. But please Lord, just protect me and make everything alright. I know You will.

Amen.

My workload has suddenly decided to pile up from a normal cheeseburger to a megabigmac.

Urgh.

The whole exchange thing has left me hanging by the thread with the printing, misprints, oh and printing again. Financial statements and rushing to get it. And we're not even counting the assignments due. Sometimes I suspect that professors knowingly schedule assignment deadlines at the same time just to test our patience, no I meant resilience.

I wonder if it is going to be worth it. Being away from the people I love, breaking out of that comfort zone, being truly independent once again. Sure it sounds fun and all, but I know that when the homesickness kicks in, it's not something that skype can remedy.

So many 'what-ifs' are flying through my mind now, I'm trying hard to ignore my random thoughts of just forgetting it all. Cheryl you cannot give up. In times of these, you do see how much the people around you love you.

Like dad and mom. Forever supportive. The angels I have around me. How they unconditionally told me to go. Not think of finances. Dad's working till 10 at night and so tired. But I need the bank statement. No matter, he will send it to me.

If parents were only a small part of how loving our Father up there is, He definitely has to be magnificent. Way beyond imagination.

Yes there's stress. But in stress, I see love as well.

because when i'm pissed.

I really am.

I'm hardly posting these days and it's not because I don't have anything to write, but somehow I just don't know how to write it.

Well, I'm not a naturally happy or optimistic person. I think alot and I think all the time. I panic easily and I have tons of worries. And it gets worse when one gets older.

Or when I know I'm starting to age.

Yes that word. Feel it on my face, in my body and probably everything around me. I see something I like when I shop and then it hits me.

" No I can't wear that. It's too young for me."

People tell me I look younger than my age ( no I'm not boasting ) and IF it's true it is only because of my height(or rather the lack of it). And probably the way I dress in shorts-slippers-backpack combo make me seem younger than I really am. Even so, it does come a time when clothes become too 'cutesy' or 'kiddy' for me. And the time is now.

Well it's not that I am all out to dress that way or try skim 5 yrs off my age. They're just really comfortable clothing. Office and elegant wear is not cut out for my personality or body shape (time to shed the weight) Now when I find ageing spots and peeling skin which never existed 1 year ago, I realised that maybe it's time to evaluate what's suitable for me.

Urgh forget it the thought of office wear is repulsive.

So many months since i blogged, so many changes. It's quite amazing to see how much can happen in 3 months.

Anyway I just have to say that as a friend, I can't be just listening and supporting you and agreeing. I am not surprised because I can feel it. And I got things to say. Alot of things to say. Sorry if I'm doing a blair but sometimes things have to be done. You have to know.

And hello deebee life is so full of ups and downs and it's like some yoyo constantly! Even for you too and I do feel it. But let's all be happy people and laugh things off away because it's our last year in hall and we should enjoy the time we have left LIVING TOGETHER.

I want to be free. Free from smelly boys and noisy girls in school.

I haven't blogged for the longest time. I'm still not dead. This blog might have been but it's revived! I hope..

Love is in the air, everywhere. *winks* Well more and more and more people are starting to fall in love, I'm getting thoroughly entertained with the teasings!

Projects, they drive people nuts/insane or they just show how oblivous people may be.

Amisha is back and by the time i blog again, she's gone :( Ahhhhhhmisha I'm sorry i'm so busy and you are so hard to date too! We'll all come up with something

Okay maybe i'm really out of this blogging thing. I've nothing to say anymore.

TOODLES

I know it has been ages since I blogged. Life has been pretty much in this format recently.

gig.assignment.test.

Adding on a little this and that here and there to make things more.. or should i say less boring.

Sleep becomes precious, we all await recess week to.. well catch up on work.

No plans no fun. Just work.

WHY WHY WHY.

maybe i should learn to accept things as they come. Sometimes the major problem with me is that I put myself on a pedestral higher than others, and I can't accept any mistakes.

Cheryl think again.

Guys. Sometimes you wonder if they were meant to be heartbreakers genetically. How come it seems as if they never get their hearts broken. The superhero ability to move on so quickly.

Yet girls always pine for and cry over these people. How different they are from their counterparts. How can guys so easily find someone else and feel the same way.

Question is, is it so difficult to move on?

Perhaps so, but difficulty doesn't mean inability. It just depends on how much you want it. It meaning moving on.

From the time I started listening to my friends problems around me since I was fifteen (thereabouts), there were countless " I can't move on" and " He's the only one". But it's not a can't-move on. Most of the time, it's a " I-don't-want-to-move-on".

You see, thinking of the what-could-have-beens and all the wonderful times shared, how sad the breakup was and how he mistreated you (which justifies the crying) is definitely easier than coming to terms that he will never be yours again and to strive to live a wonderful life unaffected by him. The latter is difficult like I say, but do it.

Do it because you love yourself. Do it because you don't deserve to be unhappy. Do it because the people around you do care.

I'm turning 21 soon and though there's feelings of anticipation, excitement towards the party, I know that once it comes crashing down the feeling would be.

OMG WHY AM I SO OLD NOW?

Then you look at your cousins, little cousins, thinking of them being like you when you were seventeen and you're some middle aged hag undergoing some midlife crisis.

I told myself when I was young I had to be different, I can't be like them out there. Please let me stick to my convictions.

In the meantime, everything's flooding in. Suddenly there's an onslaught of tasks and school hasn't even officially started. Busy busy with a sore throat and burning shoulders, blocked nose, fat ulcer.

Nevertheless, I think I'm a happy girl. FOR NOW. (:

The first day of 2010 is almost coming to an end and so far, it has been awesome. Nothing short of awesome.

Sending ST(sickening toad) off, hanging out with amanda, jm and dodo then coming home to doze off. Total crash.

Sleep has never been so good before and reflecting back, MAYBE 2009 wasn't that bad a year.

But guess what, 2010 would be awesome.

Because because.