Because time suddenly flies and we were back to the place where we were at fifteen. Looking back it has been six years and everything else can change around us other than the memories itself. Seeing each other for the first time in quite a long time, I'm still amazed how at ease conversation flowed. Every little thing we said were remembered, until now. Almost six years.

Christmas has come and gone and soon 2009 would be too. It has been a long year. Tons of tears, joy and probably one of my most eventful years. Yet 2010 would be even better.

YES JM 2010 IS COMING.

I dreamt that my house was a battleground for a fight between the good and bad magicians, ie, harry potter and my family all turned into magicians.

Amazingly so, I could recite all spells in my dream. The most frequent used? Avada Kedevra.

Shows how violent I am eh. Hahahahahaha. BUT I HAD TO KILL THE BAD GUYS. NO CHOICE.

It seems as if this blog comes alive when I have something to rant about. I mean, during exam periods and all, I blog and during holidays I don't. Because holidays aren't good enough blogging material. I think people who read it would probably think I'm a nutcase. Or maybe because I'm spending way to much time being happy and sleeping and just lazing around like a pig it just seems rather silly to read.

I woke up this morning/afternoon and I ate, then slept again. Watched the telly then slept again. Then ate. Then telly and surfed the internet then sleep. Goodnight people!

How freaking interesting can that be right?

Lemme see, holidays are supposed to be jampacked. How come I don't feel so. There's gng out with Sissy Huda and Miaw, with the nehnehs, XY is back in Singapore, meeting up with veron, and there's taiko with Andris. Wowee. And not to mention Pammie Amanda and spending more time with JM Sherman before he goes over to ANU.

Yeah, basically my holiday plans all mapped out! Not to mention MO jamming sessions and OVE meetings! And heeeheeeheeee, pub work for IHG as well! Water polo snapshots!

But being the pig I am, the weather feels so good to sleep in. Okay off to an afternoon nap.

SEE HOLIDAYS ARE MEANT TO BE BORING.

My cousin Nicole, is seriously entertaining. Just a snippet of our breakfast conversation.

Background: I was trying to annoy her by singing cartman's version of pokerface while she was reading the newspaper.

Me: PAH PAH PAH POKERFACE PAH PAH POKERFACE
Nic: Yes P I get it... pokerface by lady gaga
Me: No it's different!! PAH PAH PAH POKERFACE PAH PAH POKERFACE
Nic: Ohhhhhh family guy is it?
Me: Nope! PAH PAH PAH POKERFACE PAH PAH POKERFACE
Nic: Aiyah then it's North Park...
Me: HAHAHAHAHA SOUTH PARK LA. Wth north park... hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Nic: -_-

Much as I miss home alot, there are some things which I guess, takes getting used to after staying in hall for long periods of time.

Firstly, the endless squabbling. Living with so many people in the house would definitely result in squabbles here and there, even locking myself up in the room, I'm not spared from it. People coming in at different times asking me to take their sides. Spare me.

And not being able to eat whenever you want. I can't eat at 2 because it's too late. Oh and being forced to eat what you don't like. But I found a way to get out of that sticky situation (:

Though that being said, I love being home. Just some parts of it need getting used to.

I'll try to make this a happy post.
Actually that can wait till the 1st of dec.

Right now
Discourse and Conversation
CS100
Semantics and Pragmatics

Therefore: Not so happy (:

AMISHA I MISS YOU.

In times like these, when exam stress really sets in, all you want is to go home, curl up on that bed of yours and sleep the troubles away. Wake up to your cute grandma force feeding you, or the loud singing coming from the shower. Turn on the teevee to watch silly nothings, nonsense like rachael ray or even the price is right.

Looking at the photos of fat Jiun made me realise how I forgotten how that adorable little snowman used to look like. I mean he used to look like an adorable little snowman, now, ummmmm a Yeti.

I stop probably stop wishing I were home and continue on that sickening morpho-syntax. Thank goodness cores are finished and now I can finally do what I like.

HOPEFULLY.

Hell week part 2

Good job Cheryl you are not breaking down, yet. And hopefully you never do. Maybe it's because you have grown stronger and braver this sem. Or maybe because you have become more jaded.

(:

The older you get, the less dreams you have.

When I was sixteen, I dreamed of a different life in JC

When I was eighteen, I dreamed of a cool life in Uni.

No one really dreams of stepping out into society to work. That's when all the responsibilities would start to flood in.

Looking back, I wish I was still clad in white and blue. In that protective bubble, unexposed to the real life out there. When I was very happy.

Or in that maroon skirt. Teenage drama issues. Crazy bunch of people. Tons of laughter.

I realised, the past will always come back to haunt and no matter how you try to run or avoid, it's inevitable somehow it will catch up with you.

But I shall allow it to haunt me no more.

Family commitments are heavy. Sometimes heavier than you think.
I'm happy for my third of my holy trinity (:
Multiple organism's debut coming soon. Watch out for us.
Weddings are pointless when you don't know if you're related to the bride or groom.
Semantics kill.

Knights of emo-nia. Maybe it's this one thing being stuck in my head the whole time I just can't seem to get it out. Somehow I wish it never started because a lot is at stake.

I've been falling sick at an alarming rate recently. Time to spam those vitamins and get well. Hell weeks/month barely started. This cannot happen.

I'm alive, still alive. Finally I'm handing over this coming tuesday and would officially be cultural secretary no more!

Happy birthday Yiling Yongxi and Sherman (:

Oh yeah though I'm still alive, I still do get a teensy weensy short-tempered recently. Bear with me it would be over soon. Not.

The worse is yet to come.

the ultimate stress period with all the workload coming in I feel so burdened.

Next post would be the part when I survive, or die under the tremendous pressure.

Stay tuned.

My 100th post on this blog.

Happy day with the northies, though i'm only considered a half since i have a west included in my home address.

I fear for my future daughter. Poor dear don't get cheated by Uncle YongXi. MOMMY WILL PROTECT YOU.

Jerks are aplenty. Notice how the world is getting smaller and people are just moving everywhere. Hence as girls we would encounter them at least once in our lives.

Macau or Bkk? When i finally get to go there, somebody has to be busy.

I realised i did buy an intrument with my money. A shaker is still an instrument, albeit small and useless.

Recess week coming up. Yes I have gotten used to the sad life of an undergrad but I refuse to be resigned to it.

Time to mug. Time to mug. Time to mug.

How different I have become, from the past. I can't tell. Maybe it's just a phase, maybe it has always been like that, maybe it's a new start which would never end. I'm starting to feel very unsure, rather jaded. Being holed up in the room alone suddenly becomes a comforting thought.

The highs and lows have become too sudden, too frequent. How come there's no stability at all? What truly makes me happy, what makes me, me.

I don't want to drink to make those crazy thoughts in my head go away. In the night, things creep into my head and I hate those thoughts. Things going wrong, bad things happening. I need to sleep, I really need to sleep.

That peace which surpasses all understanding, where art thou?

What a night.

I actually brought up what I thought would be forgotten forever.

Life's going to the doldrums now.

Maybe I'm wrong and you are right.

But in any case, it isn't a nice thing to do. Not nice at all.

Thanks for not telling me yet.

I'll be waiting.

Speaking up in class doesn't seem so difficult anymore, but somehow I wish I wouldn't get picked on all the time. Especially when there are 20 other people who's names are not called upon, calling mine 5 times and referring to me for another 5 may be slightly too much.

Never mind let's just say you love me.

Final JCRC meeting, which concludes my leadership roles in my schooling life, I think. Well it was definitely a fulfilling time I had but more about JCRC when the investiture finally happens. Man that salute postponed.

Starting to feel the burden of everything when rushing through assignments and readings. I still feel quite cheated when teachers say that A levels would be the hardest time ever. Well, I guess it WAS hard with HKS around but thank goodness for SC4.

And I realise I can't drink choya. I start declaring unfounded love for people I never loved. Goodness me.

Happy 21st sexay diva (: Thanks for being such a wonderful friend to me and I will certainly miss all the days/shopping trips we've had. Here's to more to come!

Hahahah and now you're a superstar!

Jam band more or less settled. Good.

Picked on at Music in a good way. Good.

Read my mind by the Killers on repeat mode. Good.

OS. Now a man. Not good.

Contrary to what my jiemei says, no, i don't think i'm hot. or pretty. On a scale of 1-10, it's a 5 to 6. And i stick by it. But to my horror of horrors, I get comments on aging. YES aging. So i've turned into this old hag.

Taxi driver: So you're fourth year in your uni now?
Me: WHAT?!?! -decides not to tip anymore-

I'm sorry uncle, much as i like tipping drivers sometimes, what you said was too much. It made me sad.

Really sad.

Whoever said anti-aging products should only be used when you're thirty plus forty? Bring on the potions/lotions because I want to be an old witch no more.

God is a father to us. He created us. He created the world. He knows what's best for us.

When things don't go our way, sometimes we wonder, why God, why does it happen. Is it me? Was it because I sinned?

Sometimes it is because we sinned and God wants us to learn what's right. Sometimes things happen to test our faith, like how Job's faith was tested. But no matter what, it is always for the good of us.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

But God is God, He isn't Santa Claus. Sometimes, instead of praying for things which we want, we should be praying for what's good for us (: Because when God doesn't give us what we want, instead of praying, I KNOW HE WILL I KNOW HE WILL BECAUSE I DESERVE IT, why not pray for the courage and strength to accept what is not given and make the best out of it? Because He knows best, not us (:

God may be our father, and like most fathers, He doesn't give us whatever we want, He doesn't spoil us, but whatever He does shapes our characters to make us the best person we can possibly be (:

Looking around me I see tons of nice-to-haves and good-to-haves.

JM asked me why I tend to get into the sian mood so often recently. Seriously I don't know why too. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the lack of something, or a certain unbalance in my life which I can't put a stop to.

Maybe I'm hibernating again. Pull me out before you leave, A.

A sense of nostalgia when I see my best friends in hall campaigning, and preparing for it.
Well, to be really honest, the thought of running again did seriously cross my mind. But why did I choose not to? Sometimes, I would think, hmmmm maybe I should. But now not.

Because.

You all would do a better job than me. Much as I loved my time in JCRC, I knew I couldn't have handled it alone. I was a freshie, people guided and helped me. Now, I would have to guide and help the rest. That's quite an uphill task for me. So...

To my successor: It might be stressful at first, but you can seriously do it!

To YA: hahaha no more C, but you all will be my best friends in hall! Let the CYA be legendary and continue with the legacy of SAY (:

To my dearest roomie: SQUIRTLE! hahahahaha if anyone tries to bully you, do the hydro-pump on them!

and to the rest of you: ALL THE VERY BEST!

On the way back from vivo with Mag, this was what happened.

Me: Hey remember the tv shows we used to watch? Oh there's power rangers too!

Mag: Only the first season was good.

Me: I liked kimberley! the pink ranger

Mag: yeah everyone liked her, then the yellow one... lala is it

Me: hmmm i thought it's trini

-pause-

both of us: Ohhhh LALA IS THE YELLOW TELLYTUBBY.

Jash on tuesday. I feel young again.

Auditions on wed: I feel out of place.

Lessons today: I feel stupid/rusty.

And that thing which happened: I believe that God will protect you. And I'll be praying for you. I know it hurts but please be strong. Like how I'll always end our conversations, mwahh.

You're a strong person. Please show me you can.

I would very much prefer to

stay home and sleep till eleven

remain free

than to begin it all

over again.

One more day to camp. Hopefully everything turns out alright, and i get to have truckloads of fun!

School's starting soon. I am so not used to it. Can't be king of the house anymore. Damn.

Despite everything, I went out, got a little something, packed it in a package and sent it to you. You'll probably receive it before your birthday, so happy birthday anyway.

Two more weeks before school starts, not sure if I'm ready for it but just bring it on. Dad, Mom and Kenneth are on MC and I'm not the queen in the house anymore. What do you get when you have four bored people stuck at home? Tons of screaming.

Yes Pammie, I actually like the spaced out look. It's somewhat appealing to me. I don't know why.

Let's have bizarre celebrations (:

When I met you, I was just a kid
Hadn't built up my defenses
So I gave my heart completely
Vaseline over the lenses
Memories don't go away
I remember every day

I never, ever stop wondering
Wondering if you still think of us
I don't need a photograph
Because you've never left my mind
No, you've never left my mind

I remember feeling like a ship
Whose captain was too drunk to steer
And you watched as I was sinking
Waving sadly from the pier
Memories don't go away
I remember every day

It's such a burden to carry around
The vestiges of dead dreams
And I don't want to make a wake out of my life
I just have to let you go

Fever, coughs and muscle aches.
Weird recurring dreams of being chased by some russian mafia.
Stuck in the room alone.

Can anyone beat that?

My new addiction (:

I don't usually blog so many times at a go but I want to say I had alot of fun today. I never laughed and smiled so much before and all the old memories come flooding back. I realise I do miss everything and well, everything was great.

Next april here I come (:

Well, I guess many people have a misconception of the term "spoilt". It's not about living in a mansion, donning branded goods or driving that expensive car. It's not about living the luxurious life. Well, you can't control how others can afford to live, and being able to live the way others can't doesn't deem one as spoilt.

So then what does?

Being spoilt, basically refers to a character flaw. A character flaw which is caused mainly by over-indulgence. That being said, over-indulgence does not necessarily lead to the character flaw. Well, for example, having a domestic helper in the family which results in the lack of knowledge in household chores is not spoilt. The unwillingness to learn when the situation calls for it, is. The same way, liking to dine in more expensive places isn't spoilt, but unwilling to compromise to dine at cheaper places, is. Hence, it's not about what one has, it is about being able to sacrifice when one has to.

This post is meant to clear misconceptions (: Not really about misconceptions about me, but misconceptions of some people we may know. There are definitely people around us who are way better-off, but rather focus on what they have, it's better to focus on who they are. Most of them, aren't spoilt. They just don't experience what we all experience (:

Busy week, but a fulfilling one.

JC friends I missed you all so, esp gary! I don't know how come your memory became like that but hey! Still the one who never fails to tell HKS that he's dumb. Always making chem classes seem more fun. And kiat who happily declares he's pes C but a smartass! My giraffe who experiences similar situations as I do, I'm glad we really talked that night.

And of course I resolved whatever I had to. I couldn't end anything with a bad memory and I'm glad the past is put behind and we can all move on from there. There was surely a reason why it even began and looking at it, I can understand why because deep down I knew I wasn't wrong about my choices. Not this one.

And please JM, 18 isn't such a bad number. I think it's really milder than you think it is. (:

But I'm staying away. Till further notice (:

G, never fails to crack me up.

G: -points to 2 bags on the floor- " Who is that?"
Me: ??!! " Oh, bobby and mary"
G: -_-"""

Of breaded hair and how many money. HAHAHAHA

Auditions will be held and I can't not qualify so I'll have to go fight and score. Which requires tons of practice. Was trying to plan my timetable and got psycho-ed by the roomie to take korean which is gonna be tough and I'll have to overload next sem. 6 modules including driving and other responsibilities, I really don't know how I'm going to cope but hey, being busy is good. At least it takes my mind off things and I don't have time to even let silly obsessions/thoughts flood my head.

Busy.is.good.

Looking through facebook, I realised I have friends. Friends whom i forgot.

the slut with the long curly hair.
the bimonthly friend.
the one who's house I went to everyday when I was wee.
the snowball.

how could I ever forget them. I don't understand myself. How come I only remember their existence when I log into facebook.

Maybe he's right, we should never have been friends.

When you're broke, here's a few ways to get money.

1. get your lazy butt off and work.
2. shake the money tree
3. sing and dance to the skies, hoping some money will fall off.
4. dig for treasure in your garden.
5. swipe the card and give sheepish looks to the bill payer, a.k.a, daddy.
6. cry.

It just doesn't seem real. But I guess it is.

Have you wondered when you ask for something, and get it almost immediately?
And then you realise it's much more than what you ask for, or what you can handle.

Weird sleep patterns, replaying Finding Nemo and Night at the Museum while everyone else is asleep. Leaving the house once a week.

It's going to get better right? At least I look normal now.

Star Trek has got to be the awesomest movie I've watched this year. It's even better than the Star Wars films, because it excludes the unwanted lovey dovey scenes.

John Cho has got to be the funniest person I've seen. I apologise to the person sitting beside me when I keep laughing whenever he appears because he has that poker face which is so unlike him when he plays harold. It's just his face, really.

I'm going to watch the earlier versions of star trek. Oh no I'm hooked.

SPOCK!

I stood at the junction. Knowing the right path to take. Yet I thought, maybe it would be fine to just go a few steps down the wrong path, then turn back and get onto the right.

Time was wasted and going down that wrong path did feel good at times. But I think it's time to hit the right path again. It's just so difficult to but I must. Because down the right path there's a tree, and the wrong path is a stump.

I'm glad I'll be away. It's the right time to right the wrong (:

Church camp and all coming up and somehow I'm looking forward to it.

Nothing particularly interesting except getting tricked by prissy and my brother's silly effort of matchmaking me.

That's why I need a job. An interesting one. Maid's coming over soon and my role shall end, in the near future!

I need a change.

Slackers Club Unite!

I'm into everything japanese and this is bad. I'm even thinking of taking japanese next sem.

heeheehee.

Okay i'm not into anime though, sorry but i still prefer american cartoons (:

A long vacation and everyone's looking for a job or busy somehow. I found a job too.

Say hello to the new maid at the Leow residence!

Yes I'm finally back.

I saw the world for once through God's lenses, not the lenses I use in my daily life here.
I cannot forget the friendships forged, the simplicity of life, the contentment I've learnt.
I will keep the memories of the place, the hugs and the happy faces I remember.

It's not about feeding them. These people aren't dying out of hunger. It's about forging friendships and giving them a glimpse of the world outside. It's about seeing and experiencing what we cannot experience here at home. It's about sacrifice and community spirit, the love and determination in the children's eyes.

I'm glad the teammates learnt alot too. I'm happy (:

I'm so confused right now. Someone please tell me what to do.

:(

Happy Birthday Carebear (:

Love you for always being there.

Sometimes, simple things like going home can feel really good. Like waking up to a gunshot noise with people cheering for, darn, RJC and then grans chopping noises in the kitchen. Realising the room is cold. Spreading arms out on the bed and not touching the ends. Sleeping with 2 pillows. Then realising I haven't really woken up yet and going to sleep on my parent's bed. Cos it's bigger.

Even waiting for nic to come back from work so that we can catch up makes me happy. AND kenneth hasn't been home all the time.

JC got so busy meh?

Time away from books. I don't know what to say here but all I can say is that my mind is made up.

Because if we lived in a world just meant for you and me, I don't think we'll be happy. Let's just be in the separate worlds we're in.

I think that's where we're meant to be.

Claire was in my room just now, and we were having this conversation

Me: Eh claire, come see my pet, ai wen -points to the bear on the bed-

Claire: Huh? How come your your pet is not Pedro?

Me: Hmmm, if Pedro was my pet, I would have sent him to SPCA a long time ago.

Claire: HAHAHAHA!

Grans have been telling me to clear my wardrobe at home because it has already burst, literally What I did not tell her was that I have been continually buying clothes and i have another 2 door wardrobe in school pretty filled with clothes too. Oh joy, I'm in trouble this time. Maybe I should start giving my clothes away. Again.

Two months. I think it's good to think and reflect on how much we want it.

June 13th. I've got a good feeling about this (:

At least give me a chance to make amends. I've already made the promise. Please?

hahahahaha. I'm glad I've found myself.

Just some random conversation I had with my friend Nick that day (:

N: Can you do my homework?
Me: No.
N: Pretty please.
Me: No.
N: Pretty please with sugar on the top.
Me: Still no.
N: I thought we were friends
Me: Hey, you know Ruben Studdard?
N: Yah, why?? Eh help me do my homework la!
Me: Have you seen hope fatter than him?
N: No, why?
Me: Well, now you have (:

A part of me which I have always wanted to bury has recently surfaced again.

I confided.

I'm glad I'm not alone.

One important lesson I learnt.

When God allows obstacles and setbacks in your life, He doesn't just allow it to happen alone.

He puts people there in your life to help you pull through.

The tasks were never ending. They were daunting. But all it took was a phone call to say,

"Mum, I'm tired."

No questions asked, they came.

And that hug was all that mattered.

Some relationships are worth sustaining and some are not.

For one, family is always the relationship worth sustaining. Don't ever turn your back on them, even if the family's extended, we're still family. Why choose money over family? I couldn't believe it when you said that. They came, old, sick and tired to just come and spend time with us. What's that few hours of measly pay as compared to what you could have maintained? If they ever knew, you do not know how hurt they would be.

My opinions have not been that negatively strong, but yesterday was the limit. I wouldn't even recognise Daniel if I were to meet him on the streets. And why so? You tell me. It's definitely not me, because I never miss a single one. The only one I can even connect with is Michelle, and I feel for her. In fact, I'm always amazed she comes sometimes because how can you be close to an extended family when you are always so distant from them?

Change when you've got time to salvage the relationship. I know you're not even going to read this anyway, but I just had to voice it out. It's family, we share something others don't. If you're going to throw it away, don't expect others to pick it up again. Because by then, it's too late.

I don't know what to write. A perfect entry formed in my head, yet it can't be expressed.

It's bad enough already. But it's empty. Yes, empty.

The few lessons I had in a bad day like today.

- don't try to be smart and carry two thumbdrives everywhere. Cos one will get lost.
- don't leave something as important as keys and handphone with someone else, because you'll forget to get them back.
- don't use professors as interviewees in future. Because it's so hard gettng interviews.
- But on the hindsight, engineering profs are nicer than business profs when it comes to interviews (:

My inner CD player is faulty. This song is on repeat mode.

Let’s have bizarre celebrations
Let’s forget who forget what forget where
We’ll have bizarre celebrations
I’ll play the Satyr in Cypris you the bride being stripped bare(bare)

Let’s pretend we don’t exist
Let’s pretend we’re in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don’t exist
Let’s pretend we’re in Antarctica (ah-ah-ahh)

Let’s have bizarre celebrations
Lets forget when forget what forget how
We’ll have bizarre celebrations
We’ll play Tristan and Izolde but make sure I see white sails (sails)

Let’s pretend we don’t exist
Let’s pretend we’re in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don’t exist
Let’s pretend we’re in an Antarctica (ah-ah-ahh)

Maybe I’ll never die I’ll just keep growing younger with you
And you’ll grow younger too
Now it seems too lovely to be true
But I know the best things always do

Just a random conversation I had with my mom in the car that day

Mum: As your mother I have the right to go and see!
Me: No you don't, and you're not going to!
Mum: Hah try me, since I'm driving the car I can drive to where ever I want and you cannot stop me!
Me: fine mum. ANGRY ALREADY.
Mum: okay fine I shan't see then.

It's a wonder how I can still be sitting in front of the computer typing this out because life is so tiring right now all I want to do is scream " shut up everyone" but I'm not gonna do so because it's not gonna help but please try to shut up and stop adding more stress because I'm already so stressed and it's enough and I can't even sleep without waking up to a pseudo womanizer ringtone which might be the cause of my migraine and runny nose and sometimes all I want to do is to go home and sleep but what the heck there's a fat lizard who made so much noise when I try to sleep it's amazing how I decided to spare it's life but not any longer cos I placed 2 lizard traps around the room hoping it will die so yeah this is the end of my one sentence blogpost because when you're stressed punctations don't matter anymore fullstop

The thing about packing your room is that sometimes, you find things you don't expect to find. Some things which have been shelved away into some dark corner in your room, and your memory. But when you find it once again, there're just a few reactions one can expect to have.

Firstly, you can look at it with disdain, then throw it away because it doesn't matter to you anymore.

Or you can be reminded of the past, not in a bad way and think about what you had, and put it back in the dark corner where it belongs.

Lastly, you can keep it in some prominent part of your room and be reminded all the time, thinking of the 'what could have beens' which might serve to torment yourself.

Maybe that's why I don't like packing, because much more time is taken to decide which of these 3 options I should take rather than the actual packing itself. And sometimes the right decision isn't made. Or finding space in my room/memory to store it.

Too bad there're no IKEAS for memories. Thank goodness for IKEAS for physical spaces though.

A hundred and one 'what ifs' with one big 'tell me why'.

Cheryl, chill.

This is what I go home too (: Exams are coming and I'll probably miss tons of these in the weeks to come.

Another suicide in NTU. Why why why? But I'm not them, I'm not going through what they had gone throgh. But God loved you, so why throw aside what He blessed you with?

:(

this is what love is.

It has been almost a year since the incident . It was probably the darkest period of my life and how I tried to run away by going to another country without bringing my phone. How I tried to heal there. But I'm glad everything's alright now, because of the Provider.

It has been a year. My life was planned by my selfish ambitions, now I'm glad You made it the way You wanted it to be.

I praise You, Lord (:

I feel your pain and if I could I would be there to hug you. And then we'll go back to who we used to be, back two years ago, back to the times we spent in school. Then we will forget how much we have changed and be happy like we used to be. Come back soon, we'll make a pact, because the world around us is changing but we will stand firm on our beliefs. Because success can be attained in other ways, joy can be derived from other ways too. I've made plans for us. We're set to change.

(:

It's odd how I blog twice a day. But somehow I felt the urge to.

Something did happen which affected me. In fact, it got me distressed. Got me thinking. Got me praying, for an answer.

It even made me reflect on what happened in the past. Maybe it was due to it. Yeah, well, all the different maybes.

But God answered me. And it isn't so often He answers me this directly.

It came in a form of a note from a friend on facebook. I won't type all he said, but just the few lines which impacted me.

" God isn't impressed on how much we can play with fire and not get burnt. God would much rather have us stay as far away as possible from fire. "

Thank you Lord (:

Did a matched-guise test recording today and wowee, it was rather fun.

Pam said that I have the makings of a CAL. I seriously hope not.

I think, she meant I was good at code-switching ((:

Hellish week ahead. I don't even want to think about it. Project submissions, tests and oh yeah, joint hall closing. Perfectly wonderful. And when i finally think i get to rest during the recess week, voila! I'm going to pulau ubin!

I would marvel if I made it through this week.

Laziness can be a bad thing. So can passion. Once it's lost, it might take alot to reignite it. Or in my case, a video.

Thank goodness it's back again.

And that's why, I decided to continue with my music studies. To tinkle those ivories (:

Fantasie Impromptu, Moonlight Sonata Movement 3 and Eine Kleine Nachtmusik here I come!

I'm officially 20.
But it doesn't matter, because I don't feel 20.

But being 20 made me realise what's important to me. Who matters. What matters.

Cheers to an awesome 20 (:

Facebook can be a depressing thing sometimes. It's not just the status updates, latest happenings which are going on around you. Sometimes, when you just sign into facebook, you get photo updates, event updates.

And you don't see yourself on it. AND you were supposed to be there.

Then you start recalling why you weren't there. Oh because you were busy. Because you had other commitments. Because because.

I know it's unfair sometimes and I can't always have my cake and eat it. But reality check. Friends will forget and move on. Then it will all sink in. And it will hurt.

I've been doing alot of thinking. I don't want to lose you guys. I really don't. But I don't know how to go about doing it. Solving the problem. Or should I say problems because it's not just one group of you. I can't let you all move on without me because I still want to be a part of this.

painful.

A sudden transition from "the" to "the other"
I, of all people, should know better.

Stop grumbling, maybe busy times in a situation like this isn't bad at all.

I'm thankful (:

Family.
With memories and all that laughter.
There is tension but at times like this it is forgotten.
Of car names, chinese names and colour names.

It was a fun day.

And my annual mopping fest!

This blog post is dedicated to Kenneth.

Let's bond thru germs.

and yes don't be jealous, for I'm going to UK (:

haha the perks of being older.

What's there to do when it can never be done?

X: hey you cut your hair!
Me: umm yeah, decided it was time to. hahaha.
X: yah could tell! but it looks like a bowl now.
Me: -mortified gasp-

I remembered how zul used to call us mangkok. He meant it figuratively. If he saw me now, god knows what he'll say to me.

It's the emo season. bad bad bad. And I think I might even get affected. Even if I declare myself happy.

I should just rant it all out. It would be better. It would.

I realised how bad a person I was to you. Occasional thoughts just popped into my head, bits of information were recovered. Information I tried to forget.

When I had a bad haircut, everyone knew it was bad. You said it wasn't. You said I looked fine even though no one had something as hideous as mine. I didn't want to see you with your bald head. I couldn't bear it then even though half the guys had it.

Sometimes I replied when I felt like it, rescheduled countless times, sometimes even put on a grumpy face even though I knew you probably had it worse than me in camp. I didn't put you above things/people I should have put you above. Yet you didn't complain. You never said no.

Alot of times I feel I should have just let it go. Trust in you. Maybe I did, maybe it was just the pride I had. I know it might be too late, but I'm sorry. They, sometimes even I said you had hurt me, but I think I hurt myself.

I can only say this now because it doesn't hurt anymore. No more pain felt. I have moved on. And I'm glad you have too (:

It's rather annoying how when I finally think I have a decent eyecandy, I end up actually knowing the person.

Blame it on my bad eyesight.

After looking at the HO opening yesterday, all I could think of was...

crowd control is a pretty shitty job.

On a happier note, the cheerleaders did fantabulously well yesterday(:

On a sadder note, someone is terrifying. and sometimes really really demanding.
eeeks. I cannot imagine my future life ahead for the next few months :(

Going out for supper yesterday and the part where pam and I got really happy and high on the way back? phish soup. hahahaha. crazy jump shots mambo mooves and christian kid songs.

only to realise that euphoria doesn't last really long when I see documents and readings nicely filling up my table when I come back.

So school has already started. While I'm happily telling the world of my 3 day week and BS803 -gleeful grin- there's something which I still have to face ultimately.

Reality. Which comes in the form of research methodology.

Seriously just a few days before school started I had this HUGE game plan in mind, to study hard and conquer and be very. very. very. motivated. I couldn't even wait for school to start because I would be study what I love. Until it hit me really hard.

Research methodology. Oh and responsibilities. If tasks were rocks, I would have a whole mountain in front of me.

So much for optimism. Well hope springs eternal so I'll press on (: Until research methodology takes my life.

Hello 2009!

2008 was eventful, and probably the most eventful year I've had so far. In my unusually stagnant life with few ups and downs, 2008 was the year where my life looked fairly similar to the NORMAL stock market. Not the one now because it just goes all the way down.

But I'm going to look back no more and forget whatever that should be forgotten. Oh and new year's resolutions too, because I always set them, forget them and reset the same ones again.

Maybe this year is going to be different. Maybe this year I'll actually fulfill them! Just like how i fulfilled Ai Wen's silly new year resolution, almost costing me my life. HAHAHA.

Don't mind turning into a muggerita this year, it sure would do me quite some good. Oh and Amisha is leaving today and I'm gonna miss you alot. Hahahaha our mantra " Be one with the guitar" OH man I can't wait till march next year when you come back and we shall go to OF MONTREAL'S concert together!

Cheers to a fantabulous year ahead!