Brother's back, Christmas is about to be over.
It was a happy holiday.

Not too sure if I'm ready for the new year though.
Because it will start all over again.

It was a noisy affair. Tons of people came, family stayovers and it was a two day celebration. We really looked forward to all the presents we got for christmas. The singing, faux santa and santarina and little cousins believing in santa. That's christmas, it's like coming home.

I wish it could happen again.

JUXTAPOSITION

what a night.

One crazy hectic day with 20 plus guests staying over and not even counting those who popped by and i suddenly see.
Why it happened and the good that came out of it and i probably must have been crazy to agree to it but who cares i already did.
Of course there was the " oh why can't you come" and " i wish you could come" and i wished i could and i wish i went but somehow or another the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
Running up and down, talking this whole gigantic lot and sleeping on the floor with my brother tripping all over. it sounds crazy.
Oh and i got to know the kitchen all over again.

what a day. I'm glad.

After i say my goodbyes, i'm going to hitchhike to the galaxy, compress 3 months of events into 3 hours and swipe my card.

Then i will walk in the rain, start sneezing and feel happy about it.

And then i will forget.

Many have asked me why don't i eat beef. It's not some complicated reason that has anything to do with spirituality or religion. Or health. I just can't bear to see something as beautiful as this turn into the picture below.

love.
what's there to believe?
I'll just take that it doesn't exist.
from now on.

heeheehee. enough said.

I am not angry or complaining. I'm happy alright!
suddenly I'm gng to Japan, the land of the rising sun, sumos, cartoons and plastic food,
But i'm not complaining!

Oh oh on a lighter note, I realised there are two types of drunk people. One unglam and the other amusing. So far I have seen are only the unglam ones. However, i finally saw a amusing one yesterday. oh. my. goodness. it. was. freaking. funny.

As long as you don't wake up finding a bruise on your face, wondering where that came from.
I wish i took a video.

I didn't mean to get angry or throw a tantrum today. I just don't know why i feel so... uneasy.
It's just a sense of uncomfortness mixed with a dash of anger. It must be the weather.

Decided to draw up a priority list today, what matters to me most and who matters to me most.

I say i'm pleased with it.

it took you 3 years to say it. 3 years.

life is good.

So the exams are finally over and I'm heading off to KL tmr morning for a short holiday.
I should be feeling really happy, relaxed and relieved but somehow, i just don't.
Must be that floo.
And i bought two shakers yesterday. Awesome (:

Two more days and it'll be over!
But the process was tough, and somehow exams aren't my thing.
All that talk about 234 yesterday, couldn't bear it. Had to plug in my earphones to not hear a word the people around me were saying.

But post-exam plans are gonna be fun! Off to KL from sat to tues ((:

Pamela's so cute. Pamcakes and Pamcils. HAHAHA.

off to study the last two papers! rahrah bilingualism and phonetics.

Had a really really bad day for hg101 yesterday. No idea why my nose suddenly turned so runny and kept blowing my nose the whole time. Thank goodness it was a 101 and not 234. Or I would have died.

So bad flu, family decisions were made, rushed home, showed abit of temper, talked to A, and finally cooled down. All in a night.

It doesn't matter if things are gonna change, because change is inevitable and we all have to face it. Just as long as we don't regret our actions and sink into depression. But it's okay, we're a family, and we'll face it all together.

I've been really lucky, no one ever said no to what I always wanted, maybe because my wants were not exhorbitant but still, I've been pretty blessed. So when times of trouble come, I definitely feel scared. I haven't faced it all before. But I should learn to.

Hey, I really can change (:

Forty min before I leave for my first official exam in University. Ai Wen just breezed in a mo ago passing me a heart for good luck. Haha yeah i really need all the luck i can get.

But I have never been good with exams, hence the fear. Since A levels, a negative feeling which starts in my stomach wanting to purge my body thru my mouth, (otherwise known as vomitting) never failed to occur everytime i take an exam. Walking in without the same kind of confidence I used to have. Walking in as if i'm going to get owned and putting on a brave front which says " HEY BE ZEN. COS I AM." not.

This is bad.

Salut

Je ne connais pas, Je ne sais pas, Je ne comprends pas.

French is killing me.

Merci Beaucoup.

So many things happened in such a short span of time, it's amazing how i managed to survive.
I shall not dwell on it right now because there's other more important things to do. I think.

Anyway, with such a frivolous blog-addie I was thinking of converting this into a RATHER, i stress, rather, not much of totally frivolous blog. That being said, the term frivolous must be defined. I guess things which are hard to say to others can be expressed here, and with so many people overseas I guess this is the OTHER best way of communication. Other than facebook of course ((:

Hence, this would not be a private blog from now on. But that also means i would have to make amendments here and there. hahahahaha.

Somehow thoughts just kept running thru my mind. We all know God disciplines us in one way or another to bring us back to the Light, but somehow people tend to view it as punishment. Yeah, it's only through adversity that we realise we're inadequate. I should know that pretty well.

It's just that somehow I question that if someone had changed earlier before and repented, would God allow this to happen still?

I feel like a sunday christian.
and I can't believe Iuttered those words yesterday.

I don't know what to do. I really don't. Hopefully, things will work out by itself.
I know I haven't been doing what I should, bible studies, cell, and quiet time. I know I haven't been praying much Lord, especially during ths hard times. I know there are many things which I should have done and yet I chose not to. Sometimes thinking about it makes me feel so guilty, on how Jesus was hung on that cross and yet I ignored you and all that You'e done for me.

It's so hard to balance everything. Sometimes, when you ignore friends parties and all to study, it just feels like the right thing to do. But when you start to ignore God's work and word, it becomes a mistake. A serious mistake.

I know in future times would be busier than this and giving the excuse of having a hectic school life currently and giving more time to God when I'm less busy is a really lame one. In fact, it is non-excusable.

So this is my prayer Lord, teach me to put You first in my life. Teach me to be a better child of yours. Teach me to do what's right.

To my hunny bunny, you know i miss you and i believe in you. I can't wait for you to come back and we all make mistakes in life. What matters is that we learn. You're sensible and I know it. Come back soon. It's really different without you.

To my family, I miss you all. And I feel sorry for not being there more often.

To Soymilk, I'm sorry. I haven't been there for you all.

To friends in school, it's just a little bit more. We've got to hang in there.

To myself, don't allow it to happen again.

To God, forgive me. I erred.

Sometimes, life can be so demoralising. But I see a silver lining in the clouds. Maybe it's just an illusion. Oh wait, I don't deserve it.

It's for the person beside me.

When i feel lazy, not wanting to turn off the lights
when i feel tired, not wanting to carry my stuff
when i feel hungry, not wanting to go buy food or cook.
when i feel thirsty, not wanting to go down and get water
when i feel bored, wanting someone to annoy or talk to

that's when i miss my brother (:

People ask me how my uni life is like. Well, sometimes I don't really have to say anything.

That pimple on my forehead says it all.

The global recession has come. And it's going to be worse than the Great Depression.
Banks are losing money, people around me are all losing money. All these happening so suddenly. It's scary. It's more real then ever. Because, mom told me.

She said that there is going to be a possibility that our family is going to be facing troubles. Troubles we have never faced before. Dad's working in a bank and it's a really volatile period right now. Nothing is stable. And the thought of it just scares me really bad. And it makes me worry, for my father.

She said we're all prepared financially. It may be hard, but we'll survive. And i asked her, why tell me this? She said, you are old enough. We know you are able to take this. And we know, you're sensible. We trust you.

So i have already become an adult in their eyes. I'm not a kid anymore. And now I've got to face what adults face, not being protected in my own bubble of comfort.

But i do have my own bubble of comfort. That's God, because when i talked to Him about it, somehow i was reassured, someone telling me, " Child, I'm here. Be still and know that I am God."

The comfort and reassurance no one but You can provide. Praise the Lord!

And my first blogpost is dedicated to my dearest friend in warwick.

I miss you.