Dear God

I don't know what to say or what to feel. I'm honestly scared. So many times I had that hope in me that a miracle would happen. That one day I'll get it, in Your way.

But why does it seem to get harder and harder each time? How come it's bad news all over again? How come You haven't sent anything reassuring yet?

I'm scared. I'm sad. I am truly down now. I daren't hope anymore. I know You have your plans for me. But please Lord, just protect me and make everything alright. I know You will.

Amen.

My workload has suddenly decided to pile up from a normal cheeseburger to a megabigmac.

Urgh.

The whole exchange thing has left me hanging by the thread with the printing, misprints, oh and printing again. Financial statements and rushing to get it. And we're not even counting the assignments due. Sometimes I suspect that professors knowingly schedule assignment deadlines at the same time just to test our patience, no I meant resilience.

I wonder if it is going to be worth it. Being away from the people I love, breaking out of that comfort zone, being truly independent once again. Sure it sounds fun and all, but I know that when the homesickness kicks in, it's not something that skype can remedy.

So many 'what-ifs' are flying through my mind now, I'm trying hard to ignore my random thoughts of just forgetting it all. Cheryl you cannot give up. In times of these, you do see how much the people around you love you.

Like dad and mom. Forever supportive. The angels I have around me. How they unconditionally told me to go. Not think of finances. Dad's working till 10 at night and so tired. But I need the bank statement. No matter, he will send it to me.

If parents were only a small part of how loving our Father up there is, He definitely has to be magnificent. Way beyond imagination.

Yes there's stress. But in stress, I see love as well.

because when i'm pissed.

I really am.

I'm hardly posting these days and it's not because I don't have anything to write, but somehow I just don't know how to write it.

Well, I'm not a naturally happy or optimistic person. I think alot and I think all the time. I panic easily and I have tons of worries. And it gets worse when one gets older.

Or when I know I'm starting to age.

Yes that word. Feel it on my face, in my body and probably everything around me. I see something I like when I shop and then it hits me.

" No I can't wear that. It's too young for me."

People tell me I look younger than my age ( no I'm not boasting ) and IF it's true it is only because of my height(or rather the lack of it). And probably the way I dress in shorts-slippers-backpack combo make me seem younger than I really am. Even so, it does come a time when clothes become too 'cutesy' or 'kiddy' for me. And the time is now.

Well it's not that I am all out to dress that way or try skim 5 yrs off my age. They're just really comfortable clothing. Office and elegant wear is not cut out for my personality or body shape (time to shed the weight) Now when I find ageing spots and peeling skin which never existed 1 year ago, I realised that maybe it's time to evaluate what's suitable for me.

Urgh forget it the thought of office wear is repulsive.

So many months since i blogged, so many changes. It's quite amazing to see how much can happen in 3 months.

Anyway I just have to say that as a friend, I can't be just listening and supporting you and agreeing. I am not surprised because I can feel it. And I got things to say. Alot of things to say. Sorry if I'm doing a blair but sometimes things have to be done. You have to know.

And hello deebee life is so full of ups and downs and it's like some yoyo constantly! Even for you too and I do feel it. But let's all be happy people and laugh things off away because it's our last year in hall and we should enjoy the time we have left LIVING TOGETHER.

I want to be free. Free from smelly boys and noisy girls in school.

I haven't blogged for the longest time. I'm still not dead. This blog might have been but it's revived! I hope..

Love is in the air, everywhere. *winks* Well more and more and more people are starting to fall in love, I'm getting thoroughly entertained with the teasings!

Projects, they drive people nuts/insane or they just show how oblivous people may be.

Amisha is back and by the time i blog again, she's gone :( Ahhhhhhmisha I'm sorry i'm so busy and you are so hard to date too! We'll all come up with something

Okay maybe i'm really out of this blogging thing. I've nothing to say anymore.

TOODLES

I know it has been ages since I blogged. Life has been pretty much in this format recently.

gig.assignment.test.

Adding on a little this and that here and there to make things more.. or should i say less boring.

Sleep becomes precious, we all await recess week to.. well catch up on work.

No plans no fun. Just work.

WHY WHY WHY.